On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
