So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
