If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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