we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
