i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
