all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
