well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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