my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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