I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize