Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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