When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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