I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I smell stomach acid.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
