Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
