Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
