Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
