What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
