I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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