I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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