i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he shaved USA in his pubs
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
