I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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