That's intense
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
