do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
