fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize