I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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