Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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