Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
