Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
