Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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