I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
