I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
