Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
