Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
