you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
