My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
