He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
