What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
