Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
