i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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