Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
