She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
