you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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