so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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