I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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