It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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