they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just invented taco cereal.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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