it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
