I wanna passion pit in your ass
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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