just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
