Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
