don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
