I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
