I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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