Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
