Just fell off a train. Bad.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
