i think i have herpe
just one?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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