I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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