Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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