I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
