It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
