im having a threesome with these popsicles
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
