You smell like a Billy Joel song
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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