you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
