Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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