You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
