I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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