i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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