I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
