So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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