There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
