I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
