ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
