Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
