good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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