He kissed a someone with a penis
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
