farters have to be the big spoon...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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