Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize